I blogged about my Universal Christmas Letter a couple weeks ago. It was a fill-in-the-blank form letter to use to facilitate writing the letter. I sent it to Bulletin Board at our local paper and they printed it. We have been gone for a week and tonight I caught up on the week's Bulletin Board entries online. I think I may have offended a few people and seemed too critical of those Christmas letters. Keep them coming. I enjoy them. I just had to tease a bit. I remembered my sister's comment years ago, "Why aren't my kids in the Olympics?"
I think I have found a kindred spirit after reading the response by The Wisconsin Wildcat. I laughed so loud Jon came to read what was so amusing. Here it is:
Christmas Letters Division
E-mail: "I am SO grateful to The MOM in Stillwater for providing that Universal Christmas Letter template! I jumped right on it and got'er done, and I just had to share it with you all:
"Dear Family and Friends,
"Greetings from the Wildcat family. 2007 has been a nother year for us. In desperation all of us traveled to the Twilight Zone. We flew on heavy medication. While we were there, we visited sanity. The shopping was great, and we purchased our first tranquilizers.
"The bills are growing up too fast. The Dog lettered in Carpet Puking. Uncle Bob is progressing nicely in prison and will perform a concert with The Sons of Johnny Cash. All of them made the honor roll.
All of them are considering trying out for the Olympic team. Not a single person in our family is especially gifted academically and wants to be a doctor. The snowplow driver wants to become a scientist and solve global warming. Johnny ('Judy') placed first in her first pageant. She hopes to continue on the pageant tour and compete for college scholarships. His/her application for toilet scrubber was accepted at Harvard and Yale.
"Sister Martha was promoted and is now senior Guinea Pig with Preparation H. I have been taking classes at night in Meth Labbing. I hope to open my own business selling online next year. Our financial advisor told us to diversify our portfolio, so we are looking at investments in seat covers for both vehicles. Our new QVC Full Line Cosmetic Kit will be tax deductible, as 'Judy' picks up clients at the airport with it.
"We plan to move next year and are talking to architects about building a new double-wide trailer home. We want the design to meet all of our desires. 'Mrs. Fantasy' wants a pool. We laughingly tell the 'architect' our son also needs room to store his vintage autos. We definitely will want bars on the windows in this neighborhood. I'll let you know when we have taken possession so you can visit us. We are planning a guest suite.
"My ex and family visited this summer. All of us had such fun catching up on each other's lives and playing tag using .44 magnums.
"August was our Bellevue Asylum reunion. Dad was class president so his special brand of psychotic delusion was on the organizing committee. We took a group of old friends out on the yacht.
"Hope your holidays are special.
"Love,
"The Wisconsin Wildcat"
E-mail: "I am SO grateful to The MOM in Stillwater for providing that Universal Christmas Letter template! I jumped right on it and got'er done, and I just had to share it with you all:
"Dear Family and Friends,
"Greetings from the Wildcat family. 2007 has been a nother year for us. In desperation all of us traveled to the Twilight Zone. We flew on heavy medication. While we were there, we visited sanity. The shopping was great, and we purchased our first tranquilizers.
"The bills are growing up too fast. The Dog lettered in Carpet Puking. Uncle Bob is progressing nicely in prison and will perform a concert with The Sons of Johnny Cash. All of them made the honor roll.
All of them are considering trying out for the Olympic team. Not a single person in our family is especially gifted academically and wants to be a doctor. The snowplow driver wants to become a scientist and solve global warming. Johnny ('Judy') placed first in her first pageant. She hopes to continue on the pageant tour and compete for college scholarships. His/her application for toilet scrubber was accepted at Harvard and Yale.
"Sister Martha was promoted and is now senior Guinea Pig with Preparation H. I have been taking classes at night in Meth Labbing. I hope to open my own business selling online next year. Our financial advisor told us to diversify our portfolio, so we are looking at investments in seat covers for both vehicles. Our new QVC Full Line Cosmetic Kit will be tax deductible, as 'Judy' picks up clients at the airport with it.
"We plan to move next year and are talking to architects about building a new double-wide trailer home. We want the design to meet all of our desires. 'Mrs. Fantasy' wants a pool. We laughingly tell the 'architect' our son also needs room to store his vintage autos. We definitely will want bars on the windows in this neighborhood. I'll let you know when we have taken possession so you can visit us. We are planning a guest suite.
"My ex and family visited this summer. All of us had such fun catching up on each other's lives and playing tag using .44 magnums.
"August was our Bellevue Asylum reunion. Dad was class president so his special brand of psychotic delusion was on the organizing committee. We took a group of old friends out on the yacht.
"Hope your holidays are special.
"Love,
"The Wisconsin Wildcat"
1 comment:
That's awesome! You better be careful, you're giving out more of your 'million dollar ideas' for free...A cross between Mad Libs and the Christmas letter.
I don't think you are alone with your criticism of the Christmas letter. For every one that's done well (i.e. humorous) there are 10 other gloaters. Do I need to know my real estate agent hopes to spend more time at the lake next year but is currently enjoying a much needed vacation across the pond for the first time in his life? Not really. As my husband said "everyone who knows me knows what's going on in my life".
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