Sunday, May 20, 2007

Sunshine Superman


Blame it on Jamie Fox. He was on The Tonight Show and mentioned seeing Minnesota's own Prince at a party wearing a cape. Oh, oh, the cape thing again.


TOP TEN CHALLENGES FOR SUPERMAN IN MODERN AMERICA
1st. The cape is not widely available in retail, but I am pretty sure they are manufactured in China and sold at Walmart. This all-American hero is offended by that.

2nd. The Daily Planet is laying off many employees. Things don’t look too good anywhere for an investigative reporter in the print media. He may have to consider television reporting. Maury Safer and Mike Wallace should be retiring soon, so there may be are openings.

3rd. He changes clothes in a phone booth. When is the last time you saw a full phone booth? We need to conserve the ones we have and rescue a few from salvage shops. A grown man changing clothes in a restroom would draw curiosity and accusations of being a predator.

4th. Anonymity is an issue with everyone videotaping everything with their cell phones. Superman may find himself on You-tube.

5th. He better not leap any tall buildings with a single bound or someone will report him as a security risk to Homeland Security and kick the national terrorist threat up to red.

6th. He was born on Kryptonia and has no birth certificate. Good luck trying to get a driver’s license, passport or social security number. He will not be able to board a commercial airline. Good thing he has that flying thing covered. He probably could go back and forth over the Mexican American border without too much trouble.

7th.The Ice Cave is in danger of melting. Can Superman swim?

8th.Circling the Earth quickly to turn back time would be dangerous with all the satellites and space junk in orbit. Watch out for rockets hurling someone's ashes into space.

9th. The price of apartments in Metropolis is out of sight. You’re not in Kansas anymore, Clark.

10th Bad news; Lois is concerned about that cape and tights and thinks he may be gay. Good news; “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” wants to do a makeover.

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